I found the following note this morning that I had written about 2 years ago when I was struggling to deal with and trying to understand my mom’s journey with Alzheimer’s. My mom passed away about 6 months after I had written it.
Since my mom’s passing I’ve had many dreams of her; sometimes she’s the real mom I knew…doing her prayers, laughing & smiling. Then there are times she’s Alzheimer mom where she’s confused & lost and I always wake up feeling sad.
The most vivid dream I had about her was exactly 2 weeks after her death; I can still remember every detail and the feelings. After I woke up I told my husband, my older brother, my sister-in-laws, and my father each & every detail so I could reassure them she was fine because at the end of the dream she told me she had reached her destination, she was with God and to just always pray. It really helped my heart find some peace.
Soon after that dream so many aspects of it started coming true. In one part of the dream she was passing my sister-in-laws & myself babies…when I had told them this we had initially laughed because we knew how much my mom loved babies and assured each other no one was pregnant; however, a month later we found out my younger sister-in-law was indeed pregnant (even crazier…the doctor pinpointed the conseivement date to the night of my dream)! Happy to say our family welcomed our cute little nephew to the world a few months ago! ♥
It definitely saddens my heart that she’s no longer with us, but I know in my heart she’s always taking care of us from above and I always have the many memories & also my crazy dreams to keep her close because sometimes dreams aren’t just dreams…
“June 26, 2012
Just watched ‘What Dreams May Come’ and wow creep out but also a sense of wonderment. I actually have been wanting to watch this movie for a long time, I think since it initially came out in theatres but just never got the nerve to. Actually, one time I rented it (a few years back) and I didn’t get far into it because I was afraid of what it would be. I have no clue how I managed to get thru it now. I often have really crazy dreams that sometimes come true, they are almost like premonitions so just the title of the movie initially attracted me. Maybe I was just trying to find an answer to why I always have such vivid dreams.
The movie ended up being completely different than what I thought it was going to be about when I first saw the previews years ago (all happy happy joy joy). Christy (Robin Williams) dies and reunites with his children in heaven, both are unique experiences and very tear jerking. He then finds out his wife, his soul mate, committed suicide after he passed away and he tries to save her from hell. This is the part that creeped me out, not just the images but just the realization that my mom almost went that route twice and luckily for her, her love of God saved her each time. I sometimes wonder if that’s why she is suffering with dementia now in reality? God always has his/her reasons I guess. It would be nice if he ends her suffering and let’s her live the rest of her time on earth happily and consciously with her husband, children and grandchildren. It’s funny but I sometimes feel like if maybe I stare into her eyes long enough and will her hard enough to go back to the mom she use to be…she might just come back. Miracles do happen?! I wonder if when this is all over and we unite in Gods’ kingdom she’ll remember us or will dementia still be there?”
Well I don’t know if I would ever watch it again, I prefer the happy joy joy movies, but sometimes it’s nice to watch these kinds of movies just so we remember what the bigger picture and purpose is in life because often times we lose track of that”